Teaching Tough Kids to Care

Teaching boys to care about their education in the classroom is no easy task. Chances are you've met all kinds of boys in your class. From the nerdy comic book kid to the class clown to the rfough-and-tough guy, no two boys are alike. Here's some things to keep in mind and try when working with boys. This post focuses on the 5%, the ones that test your skills, patience, and the limits.

Boys are like not so much like Transformers and more like icebergs. There is more than meets the eye, but more importantly, there's a depth to boys that many don't ever see. We're taught to suppress, to not wear our hearts on our sleeves, and to stay strong at all costs. Boys aren't always readily willing to share what they think and feel about things, but it doesn't mean that they don't think and feel. Be prepared for some conversations that are one sided, but they will listen when they are ready to.

Building positive relationships is like a retirement plan. If you don't put anything in, you won't get anything back. Boys will go to the ends of the earth if they know you care and want to help them. Especially for your rough and tough boys, the best safety net is a positive relationship. Get to know them and more importantly, give them chances to express and do the things they love in positive ways.

They're hungry, so feed them! Give the kid doodling all over his notebook some time to draw as a brain break in a special notebook. He completes an assignment, he gets time to draw. I had a student who loved building things, and I had a broken shelf on my bookcase - so one day I brought some safe tools and asked him to figure out how to fix it. Is he finishing a math test? No, but think about the skills he is learning; problem solving, planning, creative thinking. These are true life skills. And the time I gave up to have him do this, I got back when he was focused and in the right frame of mind to work.

Set clear and consistent expectations. Nobody is perfect, every kid will make mistakes. Clear and consistent expectations let's you save your positive relationship with your students. When he breaks a rule, he knows there is a logical and appropriate consequence. Talk with the student and identify the problem that caused him to break a rule. "I pushed him because he called me a name!" Remind him that he made a choice and ask if his choice solved his problem or made it worse.

Think about you getting pulled over for going 95 on the freeway. You can't be mad at the cop, you knew the expectation and the consequence for it. He or she doesn't hate you or not like you, but you broke a rule. Maybe you're running late for your interview, so your reason was understandable, but you still made a choice. Identify the real problem (you're running late) and figure out how to solve that problem.

Teach the skills and values of being honest and kind Honesty and kindness are not innate skills people are born with. Introduce honesty as a "way to solve the problem" when they have done something wrong. I teach my kids to say "Mr. Jamison, I made a mistake. Here's what happened, and I need help to fix it." I make it clear that this doesn't get them out of a consequence, but they have built trust. I'm more able and willing to help them out because they've shown they are willing to admit to their mistakes. THIS is how you teach being accountable. Not every kid is ready for this, but with modeling, practice, and reinforcement, they'll get there.

Give boys the chance to do the right thing. They can't learn to be honest if the hammer comes down on them before they could try to fix their mistakes.

Everybody lies. I say this to emphasize a point (and quote my hero Dr. House). Not that every kid is liar, but there is more to every story, every behavior you see in the classroom. Every behavior has a purpose. The Tough Kid Book by Jenson and Rhoade says that kids do things for three reasons: attention, power, and escape. Things that kids do over and over are learned behaviors to accomplish one of these three goals. Take some observations of your tough kids. I realized after taking data that one of my kids outbursts always happened at 10:35am. I saw that and it dawned on me- we started math every day at 10:35. He was doing what ever he could to get out of math class, and it worked. Discipline didn't address the real issue because the real issue is he struggled in math and was embarrassed. An instructional failure on my part, not a kid trying to be a pain in the butt for fun.

Kids are complicated, but remember they're kids. No kid out there wants to be the bad kid, wants to struggle. There's more to tough kids than meets the eye, you just have to know where to look.